Never Make a Bet With a Pirate
by PhantomPenguin
Summary: Governor Swann and Will Turner are looking for Elizabeth, who has mysteriously disappeared. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognize.**

Oddly enough, this is based loosely on a WEIRD dream I had once. I tweaked a lot of things, though.

Well, enjoy.

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Governor Swann was wandering around a dark, misty forest in the middle of nowhere. "Will!" he shouted, running over to the conveniently placed young man. "Elizabeth's missing! Do you know where she is?" he asked, looking desperate.

"No," replied Will, his voice laced with sarcasm. "Why else would I be _looking for her_?"

"Well then, I suppose we may as well search for her together," said the Governor, resigned.

"Daddy dearest," Will began, smirking when Governor Swann shot him a _look _(one that clearly said 'don't-ever-call-me-that-again-or-I'll-make-you-divorce-my-daughter-and-have-you-arrested-and-killed-in-as-many-ways-as-I-or-anyone-else-can-possibly-think-of.)

"Yes?" Governor Swann said, answering through gritted teeth.

"How'd you get here anyway?"

"Oh, Commodore Norrington dropped me off." said Governor Swann. "How about you?"

"I came with Jack," answered Will. "He was in the area for some reason, so I hitched a ride with him."

"What, is he still here?" asked Weatherby, looking about apprehensively.

"Maybe. I'm not entirely sure." Will started walking into the fog-shrouded forest, not looking nor caring to see whether or not Governor Swann was following him.

After a while, both realized that they were thoroughly lost.

Suddenly, a gigantic, hairy spider crawled down and grabbed the Governor's wig, disappearing into the forest.

"SHEILA!" he screamed. "NOOOOOOO! I loved you!" He sank onto the damp ground, sobbing hysterically into his hands as Will watched on in horror.

"Er, what about Lizzie's mother?" asked Will, looking faintly disturbed. "Didn't you love her?"

"How DARE you accuse me of not loving Sheila!" yelled Swann, looking mutinous. "That wig was all I had left of her. When she died, I made the wig out of her hair and remaining vital organs."

For a moment, all noise in the forest was silenced.

"...Will?" he called, glancing about. He saw the young man running away from him, looking for all the world as if a deranged man sans a wig was pursuing him.

Suddenly, three figures dashed out of the trees.

One was an oversized rabbit, standing on two legs and eating a carrot. Another was a duck on two feet. The last was a short, bald little human, decked out in camo and carrying a rifle. He and the duck seemed to be engaged in an argument, while the rabbit just stood watching.

"Duck season!"

"Rabbit season!"

"Duck Season!"

"Rabbit Season!"

"Duck!"

"Rabbit!"

"TURKEY!" yelled Will, just wanting to shut them up.

It worked.

"Have you seen a girl named Elizabeth wandering about anywhere?" he asked.

"No." all three answered.

"We'll go look, though." offered Bugs. He sprinted off, Daffy tailing behind; Elmer followed at a distance, making the most of his stalking pace.

Just before the mist completely swallowed him Will could have sworn he heard Fudd say, "Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting Ewizabeth." Will shook his head, wondering how much more stupidity he could take.

Just as that thought passed through his head, Governor Swann reappeared.

He looked sidelong at Will. "Do you want me to sing to pass the time?"

"NO!" said Will, his self-control almost gone. Oblivious to this, the Governor started signing. He had a beautiful SOPRANO voice.

"Oh. My. God. My father-in-law is a eunuch!" Will screamed, looking horrified, shocked, and for some reason, bummed out.

"Man, now I owe Jack a barrel of rum, another ship, Governor Swann's house, a barrel of rum, the carriage, the horses, a barrel of rum,the Commodore's house, a barrel of rum, and the governor."

"Wait." Swann had stopped singing. "You and Jack made a bet on whether I was a eunuch, and I was one of the things you bet?" He looked horrified.

"Yeah. Jack's always wanted a signing eunuch to perform on his ship." At Swann's terrified look, Will stifled a laugh. "He'll pay you, of course."

With Swann still looking apprehensive, they trudged along until they heard a ghostly wailing coming from between the misty trees. A figure began to take shape, slowly coming towards the path. "It's Elizabeth!" said Gibbs, randomly popping out of a tree. It was, in fact, Elizabeth. But, instead of walking, she was floating.

"You—you're a ghost!" screamed Swann, completely overtaken by terror.

"Sadly, yes" whispered Lizzy.

"Who killed you?" Will asked fiercely, glancing about as if he could discern the killer's wherabouts with on look.

"I don't know" she mournfully stated. "but, if you'll travel down the path, you will find a small, deserted hut, in which my body will be."

With that, she faded back into the mist.

"Come! We must save her!" Will yelled, dashing down the indicated path.

"Why don't we just leave?" asked Swann, glancing about apprehensively.

"That's not good enough!" Will yelled.

He paused.

"Whoa, major déjà vu!"

Clearing their heads, the twosome raced towards the cabin. It was uninhabited, although bigger than they had expected. Will threw open the door and dashed inside, with the governor close behind. True to her word, Elizabeth's prone body was laying on the floor.

"Noooo! My love, come back!" Will fell on the floor sobbing, holding her close. Governor Swann, however, was focused on something completely different.

"Uh, Will? I don't think we're alone." Sure enough, three or four dark shapes were becoming visible in the dark hut.

Suddenly, the lights flashed on. There was a stage in the back of the room, with Jack, Anna-Maria, and Gibbs. Jack and Anna-Maria had guitars, while Gibbs was on drums.

_"Give it to me baby!"_ Jack started signing, with Anna-Maria and Gibbs singing background. _"(Uh-huh, uh-huh!)"_

_"Give it to me baby! (Uh-huh, Uh-huh!) "_

_"Give it to me baby! (Uh-huh, uh-huh!")_

_"And all the girlies say you're pretty fly for a pirate guy!"_

_"Uno dos tres quarto sinco sinco seis!"_

_"You know it's kinda hard just to get along today._

_Our subject isn't cool, but he fakes it anyway._

_He may not have a clue, and he may not have style,_

_But everything he lacks, well he makes up in denial!"_

Throughout this whole exchange, Will and the Governor were exchanging bewildered glances.

"Jack? What on EARTH are you doing?" Will finally exclaimed.

"Gloating about my victory over you, of course." At Will's bewildered expression, Elizabeth burst out laughing.

"But-we thought you were dead!" they chorused, looking perturbed at her sudden liveliness.

"You are so gullible!" she laughed, getting up and giving Jack a high five.

"Wha-?!"

"Well, Jack really wanted to win that bet of yours, so he enlisted my help."

"You cheated!" Will exclaimed.

"Pirate." Jack randomly pulled out his gun, aiming it at young Mr. Turner.

"Down, boy."

"Oh, sorry" Jack sheepishly put the gun away. "Well anyway, I won the bet, so where's all my stuff?"

"Umm, I can give you the four barrels of rum, the houses, the ship, and the tomato when we get to Port Royal. Here, however, is your signing eunuch." Will dragged Governor Swann over to Jack. They started arguing about the Governor's pay check, while Elizabeth walked over to Will.

"Just one thing bothers me," Will said, slinging an arm around Elizabeth. "How exactly is 'Daddy Dearest' your father if he's a eunuch?"

"Oh, didn't I ever tell you? I'm adopted." Will gaped at her.

"We have an accord!" Jack announced, breaking into their conversation.

Will suddenly looked hopeful.

"Am I finally free of my father-in-law?" he asked, not daring to hope.

"Yes, he's now going to be living on the Pearl, serving as my singing eunuch."

"Yaaaaaaay!" Will began dancing around the room doing his I'm-finally-free-of-my-annoying-father-in-law-who-feels-I'm-not-good-enough-for-his-adpoted-daughter dance.

"Let's go home." Said Elizabeth.

"Hey Jack, can you give us a lift?"

"Sure."

After Jack dropped off Will and Elizabeth and had collected his new stuff, he and the Pearl sailed off into the sunset. That was the last anyone heard of Captain Jack Sparrow, his rum, the Black Pearl, his crew, and of course, his singing eunuch.

Well, at least until the rum ran out.

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What did you think? Funny? Lame? Send me a review and let me know.


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